You know you have a problem when you begin to fear your fear before you have anything to fear...

Flipped on the TV this morning and the station happened to be on a Christian program with Joyce Meyer. “Funny,” I thought to myself, “I think the Lord must want to talk to me this morning!”
So, Joyce’s message was all about fear. Fear of not having enough, fear of not being enough, and fear of our fears even before they become a reality.

See, to be completely honest, I am a worrier about “my plan.” My biggest fear is that something will ruin my career plan, my financial plan, my family plan, my health plan and so on and so forth.

Why? Well, because I’m a planner of EVERYTHING!

I have always had a career plan… that in turn affected my financial plan…that in turn affected my family plan…and well, even a “future” family plan that would allow me to save so that I can have enough saved for my grown kids and grandkids!

Now, I do believe in planning so that I am carefully and wisely using what God’s given me, but I cannot use that as an excuse for fear. I cannot use that as an excuse for desiring control. I cannot use that as an excuse for stress (or putting my stress about these plans onto others…like Jon, my husband).

I need to give up control…and more importantly recognize I don’t need to have control.

It’s funny, I think if we have a hard time recognizing who is in control, God has a quiet way of reminding us.

So, as I sit here, currently on bed rest due to some complications of my pregnancy, fearing when and how our new baby Micah will arrive… whether he will be healthy or too little… and fearing how “my financial plan” will work now that I will be out of work for an unexpected month plus, I realize…none of this was or is part of “my plan,” but maybe it is a part of God’s. Maybe He is teaching me to rest in His arms and His plan – let go of my fear and just be.

Just a little over a month ago my step sister and her newborn baby girl passed away due to complications of pregnancy. Although I have no idea why or how this could have been a part of God’s plan, I do know that this tragic event taught us all to recognize the preciousness of the time God has given us here on Earth and to make the most of it…living a life without regret, living a life serving others, living a life without fear – just as Krista did.

God is teaching me that life is temporary… that I am not in control of everything… and most importantly that I cannot truly “plan” for everything…all I can do is follow “God’s plan” for my life and hope that at the end of it He says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

So, with all that said, my prayer today is that I will continue to learn how to let go of my own fears (even before I have anything to fear), recognize the plan that God has for me and my family is the best and rest easy knowing that He is my sustainer, my rock, my protector, my provider, and my God. Amen.

Matthew 6:25, 6:31, 6:34…

“You know you have a problem when you begin to fear your fear before you have anything to fear.” –Joyce Meyer

Picture taken just a little over 33 weeks...now I'm nearing 35 weeks!
Stay put just a little longer Baby Micah!

October Reflection...

After taking some time to file through pictures I've taken in the last year (in preparation for a new "Best of 2010" scrapbook for Jon and I), I realized how intense the month of October was this year...

After a devastating start with the passing of my step-sister Krista and her newborn baby girl, I definitely began the month with a new perspective...savoring every second with my family and friends...hugging my husband just a little tighter...taking just one extra moment to tell someone I love them... simply looking at life a bit differently.

In the following weeks, I spent time going to birthday parties, a 40th wedding anniversary for my amazing and inspiring in-laws, going to the pumpkin patch with my sister, her hubby and their newborn baby boy (Ben!), and being blessed by two beautiful baby showers and a 30th birthday party thrown by amazing family and friends.

Although it was a month filled with tragedy, it was also filled with hope. Thank you to all of you who filled my October with so many precious moments and memories.

Here are a couple of pics from October...

 The Pumpkin Patch

 Ron, Courtney and my new nephew, Ben!

 Congrats to you Mr. and Mrs. Moen! Happy 40th wedding anniversary!

 The Big 3-0! How did I get this old???

A sweet shower thrown by amazing teacher friends in the school library!

Back to Life, Back to Reality...

Okay, I'm not sure how many of you out there are reading my crazy little blog, or how many of you were born in the 80's, but if you were, you might remember that song..."Baaaaack to life, back to re-al-i-ty." Well, sometimes that is what the fall feels like for me. Yes, it's back to school time once again...I can't believe it's already my eighth year! Insane!

As you can tell, time gets away from me during this time of year and somehow I become all consumed with teaching, but as I can attest to in every single season of my life, God is always quietly in the background teaching me... using my circumstances to turn my face right back toward His and helping me to set my priorities straight.

So, as my pregnancy has progressed I've become quite well aquainted with a little thing called Braxton Hicks contractions. Not only that, I've become very familiar with backaches, dehydration, and well, pure and utter exhaustion. This is indeed what pregnancy is all about... it's beautiful, it's incredible...and don't get me wrong I feel soooooo blessed to be a mommy, but I'll tell ya, there is nothing like it. It is a humbling experience.

I was just telling Jon the other morning, my body is truly not my own. When I said it outloud I was almost shocked at my own revalation. "My body is not my own." What an amazing opportunity to be reminded that my life and my body are not my own. It is being used for something greater than myself.

It's so interesting how something so simple can bring you to your knees and turn your head right back up to Jesus. Just as Christ gave up his life for me, I am able to have just the slightest (I mean slightest!) glimpse of what he did when he sacrificed his life for me.

This season in my life has not been physically comfortable or easy, but I know it is a small sacrifice for something so great. Something bigger than me...something God designed.

Almost 28 weeks!